Friday, October 10, 2008

Men having sex with other men Jabu D finds out what it entails….

What's up with men who sleep with men frequently called MSM? The term “men who have sex with men” describes a behavior rather than a specific group of people. It includes self-identified gay, bi-sexual, trans gendered or hetero men.

These men partake in acts that sexually arouse other men: kissing, mutual masturbation and anal sex. But Dr Eve argued that heterosexual men having sex with other men can be defined as another sub-group. Studies show the higher percentage of men who report had sex with other men is higher than those who identify themselves as gay.

Dr Eve stated that men having sex with other men can be identified just as that, men having sex with other men. She explained, “It is its own sexual identity. It must not be judged nor condemned”. She added, “As with all sexual orientations there is little choice in it: these men feel it is natural and pleasurable to be with a man on occasion.”

The question arises: “Can this not be viewed as sexuality crisis? May be just a personal choice or simply a matter of confusion or worse? Dr Eve stated that sexual dynamics can not be summed up. There are many factors that come into play. There is so much within sexual orientation, finding oneself by questioning ones existence sexuality can lead to exploration and eye opening.

Men who sleep with other men should not be read as ‘sign’ of sexuality crisis because it in not. “Taking on a label immediately makes one conform to the expectation of that label – people reject this- it is discriminating and harmful and assumptive”, she explained.

There is a danger because it reinforces stigmatisation. “Men” explained, Dr Eve, “try it out if confused or rather questioning their sexual orientation. But MSM are usually men who incorporate sex with men into their regular lives”.

It is the nature of diversity that we live in that we encounter all sort of things. According to the University of Bath, sociologist, Dr Eric Anderson, societies are showing tolerance of sexual activities, hence speak openly. He added that the act of men having sex with men came in “the form of two men and one woman, as well as just two men alone”. And do you call it homosexuality? No.

Yet, the veil of secrecy is still blowing just because these men take precautions in their dealings. The reasons offered secrecy vary from not wanting to expose themselves to the intolerant societies.

It can be that, as the studies indicate they want to protect their loved ones. Prejudice force MSM into hiding and has unintended affect on sexual health leading to "unhealthy sexual and personal pain" asserted Dr Eve.

She added many of these men are married or have partners. Therefore, the only way they see fit is to go underground. Is there any danger in doing that? “Unfortunately this leads to risky sexual practices – all sexual behavior which has to seek expression underground is often unplanned and thus happens in the moment and carries risk” offered Dr Eve.

She reasoned, “These men fear being seen as “moffies” and will often times deny that they are MSM and can even be homo prejudiced themselves”. There seems to be no other way out but lead a double standard life.

Dr Anderson shared the same sentiment “Men have traditionally been reluctant to do anything associated with homosexuality because they fear being perceive gay”

Asked if this way of live is chosen because one is not willing to face relationship sexuality issues? Everybody wants the same things as everybody else including sexual challenges.

Then it should be understood “Denial occurs due to a prejudicial and unsafe society, a society that literally kills and rapes women merely because they are or are suspected of being, lesbian”.

Dr Eve concurred: “So I think denial is self protective and many times necessary way of protecting one self from coming out in a critical and unsafe environment.

She stressed “I do not see it as an unwillingness to face sexual and relationship issues as such- everyone wants the challenge of having a sexual relationship - it just has to conform to societies ideas of what’s “normal.””

Anyway, where are women in this scenario? Well it is not only men so let’s not be too censorious. “Women are “plastic” (flexible)” mentions Dr Eve “many women engage in sexual activities with other women in “days/months/years later switch to opposite sex. These women may not identify as lesbians or may at some point and then change to self identify as heterosexuals again.”

Dr Anderson wrote ‘Being masculine is not about whom you sleep with…’ the same can be said about women. MSM don’t necessarily lose their masculinity credibility in the society because of their behavior. These men say that they “do not feel that same – sex jeopardizes their socially perceived heterosexual identities…”

After 14 years of democracy and liberated country, studies show that discrimination in terms of sexual orientation is still prevalent in South Africa.

This of course, despite the constitution that protects human rights. Dr Eve cautioned, “Let’s be real and accept that even though our constitution says no discrimination it happens too readily throughout society, especially in disadvantaged marginalized societies.

The notion of what it means to be a “man” does not include the figure of a gay man- irrespective of what he looks like. So self identifying as gay inadvertently means being feminine and no longer masculine”.

He said that sexual acts described differed from acts of ‘hazing’ or team – bonding that often include pretend – homosexual acts.

They argue that they do not conform to name calling. Stating that having sex, however, does not necessarily make them gay in masculine peer culture.

Surely sexual relations are complex cases it seems there will always be debates taking place. But what one should do is to celebrate the diversity that comes with it, said Professor Jacklyn Cock from Witwatersrand University.

Marlene Wasserman is a Clinical Sexologist

www.dreve.co.za

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

South African Gays Gain Adoption Rights

Gay and Lesbian Pride Week started on the 23rd September 2001, exhibitions and fund raising were held. This lead to the 12th Annual Gay and Lesbian Pride Parade which kicked off in Johannesburg, South Africa, on the 29th September 2001. This year's theme was "Outthere Everywhere." This year's parade had much more to celebrate as the ruling of the South African court was announced on 28 September that gay couples were allowed to adopt children.
During the parade everything and everybody was represented.

The event started with a rendition of the anthem "God Save the Queen," which will never have the same connotation it once had. Drag queens in their fancy dresses and high heels were part of all things that made a brilliant spectacle of celebration. Stage plays were performed which brought laughter to the already excited gay community. The six colour flag fluttered in the air and many even had their dresses designed in the six colours of the gay pride flag.

It was the day of celebration, celebrating their human existence and achievements, but it also was still a day of struggle, fighting homophobia. The platform was also used to raise awareness and understanding about homosexuality if one cared to listen. There was a placard on display which read "Straight by day and gay by night." Another one read, "Gay, Stabani, Moffie it's our right to be."

With asense of pride the event took to the streets after the opening statements made by Judge Edwin Cameron who is openly living with HIV. Cameron told the gay community "... We must not get complacent and take our constitution for granted. We must celebrate our gay community, which is truly representative of the nation".

He also added, "We represent the nation as a whole and we can be proud to be South African.". On HIV - AIDS issues, he encouraged those who are living with the virus to come out. "Don't be ashamed of living with AIDS, those who must be ashamed are those who try and stigmatise those of us with the virus."

Judge Cameron showed his concern about those who simply choose to ignore the existence of the virus. " Even worse are those people who seem to ignore that we are facing an epidemic" he stressed. In memory of those who succumbed to AIDS, a minute of silence was held.

GAY ADOPTION
The judgment that granted gay couples the right to adopt came as no surprise. This followed the court case battle where the Johannesburg High Court Judge, Cathy Satchwell sought to have sections of the Judges Remuneration and Conditions of Employment Act and regulations in respect of transport, traveling and subsistence declared unconstitutional.

Another judge, Ann -Marie de Vos and her life partner Suzanne du Toit filed an application to declare the section of the Child Care Act and Guardianship Act which prevented them from jointly adopting their two children invalid and unconstitutional. The two lesbian judges sought to amend legislation pertaining to the joint adoption of children and access for same-sex life partners to the benefits afforded to married judges' spouses.

An adoption right is yet another achievement in the gay community in South Africa, through much struggle.

"I am happy about gay adoption rights, we are all human beings and can also become parents," intoned Mamiki Seglolo, a lesbian. She stated clearly that "We've got love" -- meaning that gays and lesbians are capable of raising a child and having a family.

A deadly error would be for one to think people can see eye-to-eye when matters like gay adoption are discussed. From the heterosexual point of view Johanna says, "I actually don't think it's quiet right, because the gay families are living an unbalanced family life. And kids will grow in there." She said with a serious tone: "On the other hand, you get heterosexual families who doesn't love their kids -- so maybe a loving gay family is better."

The right to love and to have a family is for everyone's, another person commented, but "... in some situations it's a good idea for gay couples to be able to adopt. But if I put myself in the child's shoes, I think it's a little awkward," a concerned Maurice Nonova who is gay pointed out. Without ruling out the implications of being a gay parent and the effects it will have to the child or children,Maurice worries about children teasing each other about lesbian or gay parents.

BLACK HOMOSEXUALS COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET
It would be a mistake not to mention an increasing number of black - African homosexuals coming out, for at least one day, to fully embrace their sexuality. Homosexuality is one of the taboo issues in the black community -- homosexuals here in South Africa stay in the dark closet.
"Blacks are not dominating right now, only whites are," says a university black gay man student, Themba. He acknowledged "Our black communities is still in denial and can't stand the truth, the truth that homosexuality is reality."

With all the talk that homosexuality is not African so much pressure faces homosexuals to present reasons for their existence to the less understanding. Themba adds, "We don't owe anyone an explanation as to why we are gay. And that's the way it is."
Musa Ngubane observed that "Now lately they (black homosexuals) are coming out; they are a lot in the townships." The reluctance of coming out is caused by the fear of being unfairly discriminated against. The possibilities of being thrown out by their families. Worst is the fear of the unknown.

other sheep to engage homosexuality and faith

By Jabulani Dube (BTM Fellow)

Kenya – July 8, 2008: Other Sheep-Kenya - an ecumenical Christian organisation that includes lesbians, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex ( LBGTI) people will take part in the forthcoming conference at Ark Place Hotel in Nairobi, where the international arm (Other Sheep) plays a vital role.

Starting from 7 until 9 July, the conference is intending to fight homophobia in Kenya according to Rev. John Makokha of the United Methodist Church (UMC). “The aim of the seminars is to address both the society's cultural and religious homophobia towards gays and lesbians.

The Reverend, who is pro-gay, referred to the continuation of homophobia in Kenya a ‘national disaster’. He further emphasised that his church is currently working with the community by bringing them together regardless of sexual orientations or gender identity.
The church to keeps silent about homosexuality mostly, but Makokha wants to take homosexuality issues even to government. “Some of the gays we fellowship with cannot tell their pastors and parents because of fear, stigma and rejection. They fear the consequences so much. Bishops, clergy and laity do not want to hear about LGBTI and yet they are there”, he said.


Makokha and his wife are suffering as a result of being pro LGBTI minister. “The United Methodist Church in Kenya refused to pay me a salary two years a go because of being pro LGBTI minister”, he claimed.

He also added that recently his wife was stopped from teaching at Nairobi Evengelical Graduate School of Theology (NEGST) because of their association with the Other Sheep. This has made them to suffer as allies.

The three-day seminar will be addressed by quality speakers both locally and abroad.
The key speakers include two clergies from Nairobi, Rev. John Makokha (UMC), and Rev. Michael Kimindu, from the Anglican Communion, Anne Baraza, Nairobi counselor, and Peter Wanyama, an out gay Kenyan of Anglican faith and Salome Ochaola, Programme Officer of Kenya National AIDS Control Council (NACC).

homosexuals may attend but not lead anglican churches – bishop

By Jabulani Dube (BTM Fellow)

KENYA – July 15, 2008: Diocesan Bishop Thomas Kogo of Kenya’s Anglican Church has refuted the reports by media that gays and lesbians are banned from attending the Anglican Church unless they renounce their sexual orientation.

Reports stated that Kogo said the Church will forbid homosexuals from attending Anglican churches after his arrival from the Global Anglican Future Conference (GAFCON) held between 22 and 29 June this year.

However, Kogo denies this saying that homosexuals are not banned from the church because they need to sit in church and seek God’s mercy and grace for them to change.
“Let it be known, loud and clear that gays and lesbians were, and are not banned from the Anglican Church. The only thing we are refusing and denouncing strongly is for them to be ordained as priests and Bishops. These, to the Anglican Church, are Holy orders”, Kogo set the record straight.

He added: “I know that Jesus ate and dined with the sinners, to which I am not opposed to, but when it comes to the question of gays and lesbians wanting to lead the church, then that is our parting point.”

Kogo argued that God created and ordained marriage between a man and a woman, represented by Adam and Eve, making any family unit blessed and sanctioned by the Word of God and Holy Scriptures be between a man and a woman.

However, Reverend Steve Parelli, Executive Director of Other Sheep, an ecumenical Christian organisation that includes lesbians, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex (LBGTI) people differs.
“The Bishop [Kogo] does not have a monopoly on how to interpret the Bible, since he makes the claim that the Bible takes his position”, he asserted.

Responding to the Anglican Church’s stance on homosexuality, Peter Wanyama, a gay Anglican man said: “The Anglican Church has taken an ungodly position. This is not a decision likely to favour the church of Christ. It is a very divisive idea, and it beats all logic of oneness in God.”
Wanyama feels betrayed “by the very people who claim to be the representatives of Christ.”
Meanwhile, Behind The Mask asked Kogo if the issue of homosexuality is dividing the Anglican Church.

He responded: “No it is not dividing the Church against pro-gay and anti-gay but it is making those difficult decisions which are less popular. I can say, we either change the structure or change the people. Why do lesbians and gays feel sidelined when they are told to sit in the congregation?”, he questioned.

Gays and lesbians should not feel sidelined because “they all have a direct entry to God Almighty, but let them respect the ordained Ministries in the Anglican Church”, he reasoned.

arrest of human rights activists reprimanded

By Jabulani Dube (BTM Fellow)

ALL AFRICA – July 15, 2008: A protest led by Treatment Action Campaign (TAC) and lesbians, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex ( LBGTI) organisations took place last week to condemn arrest of HIV and Aids, and human rights activists in Uganda.
Juliana Pepe, Valentine Kalende and Usaam Mukwaya were arrested by the Ugandan government on 4 June this year. They were charged with criminal trespassing while demonstrating against the government’s exclusion of sexual minorities from the national HIV and Aids prevention programmes during the HIV/ AIDS Implementers Meeting that took place between 3 and 7 June.
People living with HIV and Aids (PWA), a programme within the TAC, together with a coalition of human rights organisations picketed outside the Ugandan High Commission in Pretoria on 8 July, demanding that the case of these three activists be thrown out of court.
The protest was also an expression of solidarity with the activists who are presently on trial in Kampala.
A memorandum, which condemns systematic abuse of LGBTI rights by the government of Uganda and urges that country’s authorities to dismiss the charges against the fellow activists, was handed over to the Ugandan embassy, office bearer, James Mugaga.
It also calls on the Ugandan government to ensure the elimination of all forms of discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation, and to facilitate implementation of a comprehensive prevention programme that is aimed at all the people of Uganda including sexual minorities.
While TAC mainly deals with HIV and Aids issues, it has revealed that it accommodates LGBTI issues as they are also human rights matters.
“We have recently established an LGBTI sector to cater for sexual minorities, and we felt that this is an opportunity for us to get involved in challenges faced by the LGBTI community in Africa”, Luckyboy Mkhondwane, Treatment and Literacy Coordinator at TAC, explained.
The accused appeared in court on 9 July, and their hearing was adjourned to 25 July to allow the public prosecutor to bring more state witnesses to court.

arrest of human rights activists reprimanded

By Jabulani Dube (BTM Fellow)

ALL AFRICA – July 15, 2008: A protest led by Treatment Action Campaign (TAC) and lesbians, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex ( LBGTI) organisations took place last week to condemn arrest of HIV and Aids, and human rights activists in Uganda.
Juliana Pepe, Valentine Kalende and Usaam Mukwaya were arrested by the Ugandan government on 4 June this year. They were charged with criminal trespassing while demonstrating against the government’s exclusion of sexual minorities from the national HIV and Aids prevention programmes during the HIV/ AIDS Implementers Meeting that took place between 3 and 7 June.
People living with HIV and Aids (PWA), a programme within the TAC, together with a coalition of human rights organisations picketed outside the Ugandan High Commission in Pretoria on 8 July, demanding that the case of these three activists be thrown out of court.
The protest was also an expression of solidarity with the activists who are presently on trial in Kampala.
A memorandum, which condemns systematic abuse of LGBTI rights by the government of Uganda and urges that country’s authorities to dismiss the charges against the fellow activists, was handed over to the Ugandan embassy, office bearer, James Mugaga.
It also calls on the Ugandan government to ensure the elimination of all forms of discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation, and to facilitate implementation of a comprehensive prevention programme that is aimed at all the people of Uganda including sexual minorities.
While TAC mainly deals with HIV and Aids issues, it has revealed that it accommodates LGBTI issues as they are also human rights matters.
“We have recently established an LGBTI sector to cater for sexual minorities, and we felt that this is an opportunity for us to get involved in challenges faced by the LGBTI community in Africa”, Luckyboy Mkhondwane, Treatment and Literacy Coordinator at TAC, explained.
The accused appeared in court on 9 July, and their hearing was adjourned to 25 July to allow the public prosecutor to bring more state witnesses to court.