Saturday, November 25, 2023
Thursday, July 13, 2023
Friday, April 23, 2021
Silence not to be silenced
I look to those who came before me, looking for inspiration to do better in life where challenges are the order of life, least I forget that the only time I have is this moment.
Because tomorrow is not promised, hence I use my time wisely for my well being and loved ones.
Staying true to my purpose to take my mission to the next level with determination. Silence I am but am not to be silenced nor become a conformist of some sort.
Enough I am with the ever present evil.
Closed doors doesn't mean closure
When the doors closed I thought it meant closure, but soon realised it meant delving into my inner self, and that's where the real closure was to be found.
I immensed myself in thought trying to find the way through the valley of confusion.
It is important to visit that part of one self when going through emotions.
It is the place of comfort that deals with discomfort. It the only place that won't gossip about your troubles, it's the place of solitude.
I have learnt that going solo, be in solitude is the best ammunition when the firing guns never seize to stop.
When choas is the order of the day. Trust silence that will deliver answers. Love yourself enough to care for yourself first.
#The Price of being different...
The cries of the victims, crying for forgiveness to unforgiving persecutors.
What have we done to deserve the undesirable, underserved hatred? Wrapped in blood-clotted murderous knives.
Malicious behaviour, the evilish acts of intolerance in the world of diversity says a lot about the souls (of only they have any) of the attackers, the underlying factors.
What on earth is happening? I once thought we have passed this unholy phase.
I tear inside as my voice of reason fails to understand this madness. Where human life seems to hold no value anymore.
I surrender not to cowards who lack compassion, tolerance and understanding. I surrender not to foolishness acts of hate.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Men having sex with other men Jabu D finds out what it entails….
What's up with men who sleep with men frequently called MSM? The term “men who have sex with men” describes a behavior rather than a specific group of people. It includes self-identified gay, bi-sexual, trans gendered or hetero men.
These men partake in acts that sexually arouse other men: kissing, mutual masturbation and anal sex. But Dr Eve argued that heterosexual men having sex with other men can be defined as another sub-group. Studies show the higher percentage of men who report had sex with other men is higher than those who identify themselves as gay.
Dr Eve stated that men having sex with other men can be identified just as that, men having sex with other men. She explained, “It is its own sexual identity. It must not be judged nor condemned”. She added, “As with all sexual orientations there is little choice in it: these men feel it is natural and pleasurable to be with a man on occasion.”
The question arises: “Can this not be viewed as sexuality crisis? May be just a personal choice or simply a matter of confusion or worse? Dr Eve stated that sexual dynamics can not be summed up. There are many factors that come into play. There is so much within sexual orientation, finding oneself by questioning ones existence sexuality can lead to exploration and eye opening.
Men who sleep with other men should not be read as ‘sign’ of sexuality crisis because it in not. “Taking on a label immediately makes one conform to the expectation of that label – people reject this- it is discriminating and harmful and assumptive”, she explained.
There is a danger because it reinforces stigmatisation. “Men” explained, Dr Eve, “try it out if confused or rather questioning their sexual orientation. But MSM are usually men who incorporate sex with men into their regular lives”.
It is the nature of diversity that we live in that we encounter all sort of things. According to the University of Bath, sociologist, Dr Eric Anderson, societies are showing tolerance of sexual activities, hence speak openly. He added that the act of men having sex with men came in “the form of two men and one woman, as well as just two men alone”. And do you call it homosexuality? No.
Yet, the veil of secrecy is still blowing just because these men take precautions in their dealings. The reasons offered secrecy vary from not wanting to expose themselves to the intolerant societies.
It can be that, as the studies indicate they want to protect their loved ones. Prejudice force MSM into hiding and has unintended affect on sexual health leading to "unhealthy sexual and personal pain" asserted Dr Eve.
She added many of these men are married or have partners. Therefore, the only way they see fit is to go underground. Is there any danger in doing that? “Unfortunately this leads to risky sexual practices – all sexual behavior which has to seek expression underground is often unplanned and thus happens in the moment and carries risk” offered Dr Eve.
She reasoned, “These men fear being seen as “moffies” and will often times deny that they are MSM and can even be homo prejudiced themselves”. There seems to be no other way out but lead a double standard life.
Dr Anderson shared the same sentiment “Men have traditionally been reluctant to do anything associated with homosexuality because they fear being perceive gay”
Asked if this way of live is chosen because one is not willing to face relationship sexuality issues? Everybody wants the same things as everybody else including sexual challenges.
Then it should be understood “Denial occurs due to a prejudicial and unsafe society, a society that literally kills and rapes women merely because they are or are suspected of being, lesbian”.
Dr Eve concurred: “So I think denial is self protective and many times necessary way of protecting one self from coming out in a critical and unsafe environment.
She stressed “I do not see it as an unwillingness to face sexual and relationship issues as such- everyone wants the challenge of having a sexual relationship - it just has to conform to societies ideas of what’s “normal.””
Anyway, where are women in this scenario? Well it is not only men so let’s not be too censorious. “Women are “plastic” (flexible)” mentions Dr Eve “many women engage in sexual activities with other women in “days/months/years later switch to opposite sex. These women may not identify as lesbians or may at some point and then change to self identify as heterosexuals again.”
Dr Anderson wrote ‘Being masculine is not about whom you sleep with…’ the same can be said about women. MSM don’t necessarily lose their masculinity credibility in the society because of their behavior. These men say that they “do not feel that same – sex jeopardizes their socially perceived heterosexual identities…”
After 14 years of democracy and liberated country, studies show that discrimination in terms of sexual orientation is still prevalent in South Africa.
This of course, despite the constitution that protects human rights. Dr Eve cautioned, “Let’s be real and accept that even though our constitution says no discrimination it happens too readily throughout society, especially in disadvantaged marginalized societies.
The notion of what it means to be a “man” does not include the figure of a gay man- irrespective of what he looks like. So self identifying as gay inadvertently means being feminine and no longer masculine”.
He said that sexual acts described differed from acts of ‘hazing’ or team – bonding that often include pretend – homosexual acts.
They argue that they do not conform to name calling. Stating that having sex, however, does not necessarily make them gay in masculine peer culture.
Surely sexual relations are complex cases it seems there will always be debates taking place. But what one should do is to celebrate the diversity that comes with it, said Professor Jacklyn Cock from Witwatersrand University.
Marlene Wasserman is a Clinical Sexologist
www.dreve.co.za
These men partake in acts that sexually arouse other men: kissing, mutual masturbation and anal sex. But Dr Eve argued that heterosexual men having sex with other men can be defined as another sub-group. Studies show the higher percentage of men who report had sex with other men is higher than those who identify themselves as gay.
Dr Eve stated that men having sex with other men can be identified just as that, men having sex with other men. She explained, “It is its own sexual identity. It must not be judged nor condemned”. She added, “As with all sexual orientations there is little choice in it: these men feel it is natural and pleasurable to be with a man on occasion.”
The question arises: “Can this not be viewed as sexuality crisis? May be just a personal choice or simply a matter of confusion or worse? Dr Eve stated that sexual dynamics can not be summed up. There are many factors that come into play. There is so much within sexual orientation, finding oneself by questioning ones existence sexuality can lead to exploration and eye opening.
Men who sleep with other men should not be read as ‘sign’ of sexuality crisis because it in not. “Taking on a label immediately makes one conform to the expectation of that label – people reject this- it is discriminating and harmful and assumptive”, she explained.
There is a danger because it reinforces stigmatisation. “Men” explained, Dr Eve, “try it out if confused or rather questioning their sexual orientation. But MSM are usually men who incorporate sex with men into their regular lives”.
It is the nature of diversity that we live in that we encounter all sort of things. According to the University of Bath, sociologist, Dr Eric Anderson, societies are showing tolerance of sexual activities, hence speak openly. He added that the act of men having sex with men came in “the form of two men and one woman, as well as just two men alone”. And do you call it homosexuality? No.
Yet, the veil of secrecy is still blowing just because these men take precautions in their dealings. The reasons offered secrecy vary from not wanting to expose themselves to the intolerant societies.
It can be that, as the studies indicate they want to protect their loved ones. Prejudice force MSM into hiding and has unintended affect on sexual health leading to "unhealthy sexual and personal pain" asserted Dr Eve.
She added many of these men are married or have partners. Therefore, the only way they see fit is to go underground. Is there any danger in doing that? “Unfortunately this leads to risky sexual practices – all sexual behavior which has to seek expression underground is often unplanned and thus happens in the moment and carries risk” offered Dr Eve.
She reasoned, “These men fear being seen as “moffies” and will often times deny that they are MSM and can even be homo prejudiced themselves”. There seems to be no other way out but lead a double standard life.
Dr Anderson shared the same sentiment “Men have traditionally been reluctant to do anything associated with homosexuality because they fear being perceive gay”
Asked if this way of live is chosen because one is not willing to face relationship sexuality issues? Everybody wants the same things as everybody else including sexual challenges.
Then it should be understood “Denial occurs due to a prejudicial and unsafe society, a society that literally kills and rapes women merely because they are or are suspected of being, lesbian”.
Dr Eve concurred: “So I think denial is self protective and many times necessary way of protecting one self from coming out in a critical and unsafe environment.
She stressed “I do not see it as an unwillingness to face sexual and relationship issues as such- everyone wants the challenge of having a sexual relationship - it just has to conform to societies ideas of what’s “normal.””
Anyway, where are women in this scenario? Well it is not only men so let’s not be too censorious. “Women are “plastic” (flexible)” mentions Dr Eve “many women engage in sexual activities with other women in “days/months/years later switch to opposite sex. These women may not identify as lesbians or may at some point and then change to self identify as heterosexuals again.”
Dr Anderson wrote ‘Being masculine is not about whom you sleep with…’ the same can be said about women. MSM don’t necessarily lose their masculinity credibility in the society because of their behavior. These men say that they “do not feel that same – sex jeopardizes their socially perceived heterosexual identities…”
After 14 years of democracy and liberated country, studies show that discrimination in terms of sexual orientation is still prevalent in South Africa.
This of course, despite the constitution that protects human rights. Dr Eve cautioned, “Let’s be real and accept that even though our constitution says no discrimination it happens too readily throughout society, especially in disadvantaged marginalized societies.
The notion of what it means to be a “man” does not include the figure of a gay man- irrespective of what he looks like. So self identifying as gay inadvertently means being feminine and no longer masculine”.
He said that sexual acts described differed from acts of ‘hazing’ or team – bonding that often include pretend – homosexual acts.
They argue that they do not conform to name calling. Stating that having sex, however, does not necessarily make them gay in masculine peer culture.
Surely sexual relations are complex cases it seems there will always be debates taking place. But what one should do is to celebrate the diversity that comes with it, said Professor Jacklyn Cock from Witwatersrand University.
Marlene Wasserman is a Clinical Sexologist
www.dreve.co.za
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
South African Gays Gain Adoption Rights
Gay and Lesbian Pride Week started on the 23rd September 2001, exhibitions and fund raising were held. This lead to the 12th Annual Gay and Lesbian Pride Parade which kicked off in Johannesburg, South Africa, on the 29th September 2001. This year's theme was "Outthere Everywhere." This year's parade had much more to celebrate as the ruling of the South African court was announced on 28 September that gay couples were allowed to adopt children.
During the parade everything and everybody was represented.
The event started with a rendition of the anthem "God Save the Queen," which will never have the same connotation it once had. Drag queens in their fancy dresses and high heels were part of all things that made a brilliant spectacle of celebration. Stage plays were performed which brought laughter to the already excited gay community. The six colour flag fluttered in the air and many even had their dresses designed in the six colours of the gay pride flag.
It was the day of celebration, celebrating their human existence and achievements, but it also was still a day of struggle, fighting homophobia. The platform was also used to raise awareness and understanding about homosexuality if one cared to listen. There was a placard on display which read "Straight by day and gay by night." Another one read, "Gay, Stabani, Moffie it's our right to be."
With asense of pride the event took to the streets after the opening statements made by Judge Edwin Cameron who is openly living with HIV. Cameron told the gay community "... We must not get complacent and take our constitution for granted. We must celebrate our gay community, which is truly representative of the nation".
He also added, "We represent the nation as a whole and we can be proud to be South African.". On HIV - AIDS issues, he encouraged those who are living with the virus to come out. "Don't be ashamed of living with AIDS, those who must be ashamed are those who try and stigmatise those of us with the virus."
Judge Cameron showed his concern about those who simply choose to ignore the existence of the virus. " Even worse are those people who seem to ignore that we are facing an epidemic" he stressed. In memory of those who succumbed to AIDS, a minute of silence was held.
GAY ADOPTION
The judgment that granted gay couples the right to adopt came as no surprise. This followed the court case battle where the Johannesburg High Court Judge, Cathy Satchwell sought to have sections of the Judges Remuneration and Conditions of Employment Act and regulations in respect of transport, traveling and subsistence declared unconstitutional.
Another judge, Ann -Marie de Vos and her life partner Suzanne du Toit filed an application to declare the section of the Child Care Act and Guardianship Act which prevented them from jointly adopting their two children invalid and unconstitutional. The two lesbian judges sought to amend legislation pertaining to the joint adoption of children and access for same-sex life partners to the benefits afforded to married judges' spouses.
An adoption right is yet another achievement in the gay community in South Africa, through much struggle.
"I am happy about gay adoption rights, we are all human beings and can also become parents," intoned Mamiki Seglolo, a lesbian. She stated clearly that "We've got love" -- meaning that gays and lesbians are capable of raising a child and having a family.
A deadly error would be for one to think people can see eye-to-eye when matters like gay adoption are discussed. From the heterosexual point of view Johanna says, "I actually don't think it's quiet right, because the gay families are living an unbalanced family life. And kids will grow in there." She said with a serious tone: "On the other hand, you get heterosexual families who doesn't love their kids -- so maybe a loving gay family is better."
The right to love and to have a family is for everyone's, another person commented, but "... in some situations it's a good idea for gay couples to be able to adopt. But if I put myself in the child's shoes, I think it's a little awkward," a concerned Maurice Nonova who is gay pointed out. Without ruling out the implications of being a gay parent and the effects it will have to the child or children,Maurice worries about children teasing each other about lesbian or gay parents.
BLACK HOMOSEXUALS COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET
It would be a mistake not to mention an increasing number of black - African homosexuals coming out, for at least one day, to fully embrace their sexuality. Homosexuality is one of the taboo issues in the black community -- homosexuals here in South Africa stay in the dark closet.
"Blacks are not dominating right now, only whites are," says a university black gay man student, Themba. He acknowledged "Our black communities is still in denial and can't stand the truth, the truth that homosexuality is reality."
With all the talk that homosexuality is not African so much pressure faces homosexuals to present reasons for their existence to the less understanding. Themba adds, "We don't owe anyone an explanation as to why we are gay. And that's the way it is."
Musa Ngubane observed that "Now lately they (black homosexuals) are coming out; they are a lot in the townships." The reluctance of coming out is caused by the fear of being unfairly discriminated against. The possibilities of being thrown out by their families. Worst is the fear of the unknown.
During the parade everything and everybody was represented.
The event started with a rendition of the anthem "God Save the Queen," which will never have the same connotation it once had. Drag queens in their fancy dresses and high heels were part of all things that made a brilliant spectacle of celebration. Stage plays were performed which brought laughter to the already excited gay community. The six colour flag fluttered in the air and many even had their dresses designed in the six colours of the gay pride flag.
It was the day of celebration, celebrating their human existence and achievements, but it also was still a day of struggle, fighting homophobia. The platform was also used to raise awareness and understanding about homosexuality if one cared to listen. There was a placard on display which read "Straight by day and gay by night." Another one read, "Gay, Stabani, Moffie it's our right to be."
With asense of pride the event took to the streets after the opening statements made by Judge Edwin Cameron who is openly living with HIV. Cameron told the gay community "... We must not get complacent and take our constitution for granted. We must celebrate our gay community, which is truly representative of the nation".
He also added, "We represent the nation as a whole and we can be proud to be South African.". On HIV - AIDS issues, he encouraged those who are living with the virus to come out. "Don't be ashamed of living with AIDS, those who must be ashamed are those who try and stigmatise those of us with the virus."
Judge Cameron showed his concern about those who simply choose to ignore the existence of the virus. " Even worse are those people who seem to ignore that we are facing an epidemic" he stressed. In memory of those who succumbed to AIDS, a minute of silence was held.
GAY ADOPTION
The judgment that granted gay couples the right to adopt came as no surprise. This followed the court case battle where the Johannesburg High Court Judge, Cathy Satchwell sought to have sections of the Judges Remuneration and Conditions of Employment Act and regulations in respect of transport, traveling and subsistence declared unconstitutional.
Another judge, Ann -Marie de Vos and her life partner Suzanne du Toit filed an application to declare the section of the Child Care Act and Guardianship Act which prevented them from jointly adopting their two children invalid and unconstitutional. The two lesbian judges sought to amend legislation pertaining to the joint adoption of children and access for same-sex life partners to the benefits afforded to married judges' spouses.
An adoption right is yet another achievement in the gay community in South Africa, through much struggle.
"I am happy about gay adoption rights, we are all human beings and can also become parents," intoned Mamiki Seglolo, a lesbian. She stated clearly that "We've got love" -- meaning that gays and lesbians are capable of raising a child and having a family.
A deadly error would be for one to think people can see eye-to-eye when matters like gay adoption are discussed. From the heterosexual point of view Johanna says, "I actually don't think it's quiet right, because the gay families are living an unbalanced family life. And kids will grow in there." She said with a serious tone: "On the other hand, you get heterosexual families who doesn't love their kids -- so maybe a loving gay family is better."
The right to love and to have a family is for everyone's, another person commented, but "... in some situations it's a good idea for gay couples to be able to adopt. But if I put myself in the child's shoes, I think it's a little awkward," a concerned Maurice Nonova who is gay pointed out. Without ruling out the implications of being a gay parent and the effects it will have to the child or children,Maurice worries about children teasing each other about lesbian or gay parents.
BLACK HOMOSEXUALS COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET
It would be a mistake not to mention an increasing number of black - African homosexuals coming out, for at least one day, to fully embrace their sexuality. Homosexuality is one of the taboo issues in the black community -- homosexuals here in South Africa stay in the dark closet.
"Blacks are not dominating right now, only whites are," says a university black gay man student, Themba. He acknowledged "Our black communities is still in denial and can't stand the truth, the truth that homosexuality is reality."
With all the talk that homosexuality is not African so much pressure faces homosexuals to present reasons for their existence to the less understanding. Themba adds, "We don't owe anyone an explanation as to why we are gay. And that's the way it is."
Musa Ngubane observed that "Now lately they (black homosexuals) are coming out; they are a lot in the townships." The reluctance of coming out is caused by the fear of being unfairly discriminated against. The possibilities of being thrown out by their families. Worst is the fear of the unknown.
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